"Dear John..." Anxiety Advice

Dear John,

I've been feeling very anxious lately. It affects me a lot
particularly in the morning as I dread facing the day. It usually
improve a little as the day goes on but not always and I think it's
getting worse. I try to avoid it but its not working anymore.

Paul, Kildare

Dear Paul,

Anxiety can manifest in many different ways - shaking, tenseness in our stomach or a general sense of unease are just a few examples.

The thing to realise is that these are generally signs that we need to pay a little more attention to our wellbeing.

Just as a fire alarm ringing isn't a problem, but a sign that there is a problem - in the same way feeling anxious isn't a bad thing (although it can feel horrible), it's just a sign that we need to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes the problem will be the thing we're anxious about - for example if we feel that way before work we need to ask ourselves are we in the right job?

If we are in the right job then maybe we need to balance our life a little more and spend more time just letting go of tension and unwinding.

Or maybe we are happy in principle with our life but the feelings stem from the type of mindset that we have developed over the course of our life - positive thinking for example (which is not focusing on just the good, but focusing on both the good and bad in a constructive way) can work wonders in these cases.

In any case asking the question 'why am I feeling this way?' is a great step forward rather than just trying to hide the feelings. You may get some interesting answers if you ask yourself this.

As always - work with a professional if the symptoms are strong, however, they could just be the beginning of a deeper journey into your own self-awareness.

Warm regards,

John Francis Leader

 Listen to John discuss the answer to this question in the 30/01/09 Quality Living Radio Show - Click here to listen now >

"Dear John..." Weight Loss Advice

Dear John,

I've tried everything to lose weight - what would you recommend?

Emily, Dublin

Dear Emily,

The secret to losing weight and staying at your ideal weight in my experience is a change in attitude rather than a harsh regime.

There's nothing wrong with eating lots - if we burn it off through physical activity. There's nothing wrong with relaxing - as long as we eat the type and quantity of foods that match this.

Some people manage to get into this mindset all by themselves or are fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who think slim; so naturally they too are slim.

If not then getting some professional help can be a great idea. The goal is to understand that food is a good thing and that you can actually enjoy food more and remain slim by tasting each bite.

A great way to encourage this is to not watch television or distract yourself in any other way when eating - just focus on the flavour and you'll feel more full both then and throughout the day.

Also it's okay to not eat everything on your plate - waste is avoided by cooking the right amount, not by shovelling into you what would otherwise go in the bin.

As for exercise, this is in many ways unnatural. Do it if you can, but a much better approach is to be physically active and take pride in your active nature.

Climb stairs, climb mountains if you can! Walk places - get outdoors and enjoy it. Become the kind of person who likes to DO things.

All of this will make it much easier for you to reach and maintain your ideal weight without torturing yourself along the way! Staying fit and in shape is fun if you do it right.

Warm regards,

John Francis Leader

 Listen to John discuss the answer to this question in the 30/01/09 Quality Living Radio Show - Click here to listen now >

Radical Change To Irish Education System Proposed By Dublin Hypnotherapist

Dublin, Ireland 1st January 2009 - DUBLIN HYPNOTHERAPIST and education consultant John Francis Leader has lashed out at the Irish education system calling it "inadequate at meeting the basic educational needs of Irish people."

Mr Leader made these comments at the launch of a new educational programme entitled 'The ABC's of Success'. "While traditional academic education focuses on the three R's; reading writing and arithmetic", Mr Leader explained, "the experience of those who come to us seeking training is that these skills do not practically prepare them for living a successful life."

These comments follow the recent government cutbacks set to impact on the education system. More than 1,000 teaching posts in primary schools will be lost next year, according to new data compiled by the Irish National Teachers' Organisation (INTO).

In Mr Leader's opinion the cutbacks are just not good enough, but he believes that money alone is not the answer. "The whole focus needs to be re-shifted; basic first and secondary level education takes at least 13 years of a person's life and academic subjects are primarily focused on during that whole period at the detriment of the core skills that every person needs to be capable at work or in their personal life."

Mr Leader identifies these fundamental skills as Achievement, Balance and Communication - or 'The ABC's of Success'. "What use is the ability to read and write, count or understand erosion if we don't know how to - and haven't practiced - defining our purpose and setting goals? We need to train people to develop their ability to focus, take control of their life and enhance their motivation" Mr Leader commented.

With an increase in suicide rates and relationship break-ups Mr Leader further emphasised the need for training in inter-personal skills. "If we're not very good at something then it makes sense to get training in it. If you were to suggest that somebody would automatically be good at reading or writing despite having never been taught these skills at school I don't think I'd agree with you. Why would it be any different for how to interact with other humans, how to listen, how to communicate, build and maintain relationships?"

Changes are already being proposed to the UK's education system. A recent major review of the curriculum for England's primary schools suggests that six broad "areas of learning" could replace individual subjects. It calls for children to "learn more about well-being, happiness and healthy living" according to the report's author British government adviser Sir Jim Rose.

Despite a growing appreciation that change and improvement are needed, Mr Leader doesn't take the challenge lightly. "There's a lot to be done - there's no doubt about it", Mr Leader admitted, "but I think the challenge for us in the year 2009 is to not just accept that we have to keep doing things the way we have been doing them for decades. In many ways our mistake has been leaving the regulation of educational standards to the government - we need to take it back into our own hands and provide both adults and children with the training that they actually need. The needs of 2009 are not necessarily the same as the needs of the last century yet the curriculum has changed very little in that time."

What is needed, according to Mr Leader, is intensive education in Achievement, Balance and Communication. In recognition of the fact that most of the population - and not just children - have never formally had this type of training, Mr Leader's educational organisation JFL Training & Consultancy is launching the ABC Academy, a flexible training programme that offers adult participants the chance to learn and enhance their everyday personal skills.

In response to a question about the timing of this change in light of recent worldwide economic difficulties Mr Leader explained the priority of these changes to the focus of education. "It's not a question of money, it's a question of prioritising. These changes don't need to cost more or less than what is already on offer. We can't afford not to make these changes as they are costing us too much. Having a labour force that lacks training in the ability to take initiative, stay motivated and communicate effectively will result in far more economic turmoil so we must prioritise this essential education right now."

"Our hope is that by training adults", Mr Leader added, "we can build an appreciation for how important and how much fun this type of training is. If adults of all ages commit to developing their achievement, balance and communication skills then this will naturally make them better parents, teachers, employees, employers and politicians and will impact very positively on the next generation."

A limited amount of tickets are now available for the ABC's of Success 1 day training event taking place in Dublin City Centre on Saturday 24th January 2009. See www.JFL.com for more information.

New Year's Resolutions - or New Year's Intentions? And Free Tickets...

I hope you had a pleasant festive season and got a chance to get some well-earned rest. I don't know about you but there seems to be a general feeling out there that 2008 was a pretty rough year - what do you think?

There's certainly been a lot of crazy stuff happening in the news, and of course who could hide from all the doom and gloom about the state of the economy. But if you know me at all you'll know it's not my style to write about problems without offering solutions, or at least a little positive encouragement :-)

The fact of the matter is that if 2008 was rough then hopefully we can learn something from it. If we went about it the right way we should be strong now in 2009 to make sure we really get the most from this year. Not that you necessarily had a bad year - maybe it was wonderful for you - in which case you have cause to celebrate. But either way you can make it work for you.

Now I have to be honest. People often use the phrase 'easier said than done' when it comes to creating big changes, sticking to new year's resolutions and making the most of a bad situation. And you know what - I agree.

It genuinely is easier to talk about change rather than do something solid about it. That, unfortunately, doesn't make the change a reality though. So the real question is how can we do just that.... how can we make 2009 a great year ACTUALLY? How can we have New Year's Resolutions rather than New Year's Intentions?

Well the answer to how you can do that personally in your life just so happens to overlap with my own new year's resolutions - how convenient! You see since 2001 I have been working doing what I do (a unique blend of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy and coaching).

It's been going really well as those of you who know me will testify to (I genuinely love going to work so something must be working!) However, I've been feeling more and more restricted by the whole structure of consultation. What I really enjoy doing is not just helping people to solve problems but to help people to develop personal skills so that they don't have any problems in the first place.

It may sounds fairly obvious but when you have a problem in your life how many times is it that a) there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a person vs. b) you just haven't received any proper training in that particular area?

As an example, one of the world's biggest phobias is that of public speaking. Now if you happen to have that phobia does that mean something is wrong with you? I've personally held 1,000s of consultations where I've addressed this problem and you know what - the people who have problems with public speaking are 99.9% of the time the people who have never been taught how to do it properly.

Now I'm not talking about how to project your voice, I'm talking about how to control your emotions, how to choose a state of mind and get into it at will, how to use conversational hypnosis on your audience and how to influence any person regardless of who they are or whether there's 1 person there or you're amongst hundreds.

These may sounds like pretty specialist skills, but they're easy to learn, so why shouldn't everyone know them? Why should you know them?

The reality is that most people spend over 13 years in primary and secondary education in school and the overwhelming majority of this time is spent studying academic topics such as reading, writing and maths. That's great, but these are actually not the skills that make someone successful. They're simply very useful abilities that all people should learn, but what's even more important are what I call the ABC's of Success.

I've spent the past several years pondering over what skills, if you posses them, make you far more effective at living, accomplishing things and being happy when compared to similar people who do not have these skills. After 1,000s of hours of research I have been able to compile these success skills into 3 categories; Achievement, Balance and Communication.

If you have Achievement skills it means you are able to easily set goals and you know what your purpose is in life. You have what it takes to easily stay motivated and to prioritise because everything you do is all part of a bigger plan.

People who are balanced know how to not just achieve but how to manage their energy levels and make wise decisions that result in them having vibrant health and naturally looking and feeling great. They don't succumb to addiction because they already are satisfied with what they are doing and they eat and sleep in a way that works well for them.

Communication skills mean that you are effortlessly able to influence other people. You know how to express yourself in a way that gets results and makes life easier for you and other people. You're able to close sales, say the right thing at the right time and feel comfortable being you. Naturally as part of the confidence of expression you're also a very good listener and personal relationships are something that you find yourself easily able to maintain and you appreciate them and invest in them.

So, that's the ABC's of Success. It all sounds fairly ideal doesn't it? Well the fact of the matter is that these are great skills to have and you may or may not be able to develop them overnight (depending on your commitment) but I do know one thing for certain; the more you commit yourself to training in Achievement, Balance and Communication the more skilled you will be at Achievement, Balance and Communication.

In some ways its insultingly obvious, but at the same time we have to stop and ask ourselves 2 questions. Firstly, would developing these types of skills improve our lives and our ability to get results? Secondly, have we had any substantial formal training in these skills?

Most of us have over 13 years of intensive training in reading, writing and interesting topics like the difference between different types of rock formations from our geography days - but have we really given these important success skills the time they deserve?

So, it was this way of thinking that led me to, right here in 2009, establish the ABC Academy. It's exactly what it sounds like - an educational organisation devoted to sharing and empowering people with the skills of Achievement, Balance and Communication; the ABC's of Success.

The beauty of this approach is that everyone can benefit from it and training in these skills in a group environment is by far the best way to get good at them. It also gives me the added advantage of being able to work with lots of people at the same time rather than just doing one-on-one consultation (which by the way I love doing, but it means I can work only with very few people because I've only so many hours in the day).

To celebrate the launch of the ABC Academy and the launch of the ABC's of Success I have some special free tickets that I'd love to give to you considering you've been interested enough to read this rather lengthy message. You're clearly passionate about this too and exactly the kind of person I want to come to our events :-)

On 24th January 2009 in Dublin City Centre we're holding the ABC's of Success 1 Day Training Seminar. It's going to be a light-hearted but content-serious day of training in Achievement, Balance and Communication skills. You're going to learn how to set goals that you'll actually achieve, how to get healthier than you've been in a long time by using the power of your mind and how to influence other people (for their own good of course!)

Tickets are normally €199 each, and will be in the future, but because I'm launching the event and running a media campaign at the moment I want to give away a certain number of free tickets to those who are most interested. Really it doesn't cost me any more to add a few extra seats to the seminar room and it would be great to have you, and your enthusiasm, there.

To get your free tickets all you have to do is visit http://www.succeed.ie and book your ticket. When the screen comes up billing you the full amount for the tickets (feel free to bring a friend) just enter in this code...

ABCPROMOJFL

...and hit enter. Your tickets will be reduced down to €0 and you can complete your booking. I only have a certain amount of these tickets that I can give away so it will be on a first come first served basis so best book now to make sure you have yours reserved.

So in response to those people who say 'easier said than done', I'd like to say come along as my guest on Saturday 24th January 2009 and let me share with you some of the approaches that have worked very well for me and the people I have had the privilege of working with.

That way, rather than just talk about what we 'intend' to achieve this year we can actually 'resolve' to do something about it by getting together and taking action.

I look forward to seeing you then - remember to book now!

What is Hypnosis, anyway?

Visit http://www.JFL.com/ to find out more.

What makes the world go around? Hint: It's not money

What is it that motivates people to even bother getting up in the morning, what to speak of go to work, form personal relationships, defend their rights and generally exert energy? There are a few common answers to the question of what makes the world go around; money is one of the main responses and sometimes love is optimistically mentioned.

Rubbish! I'd like to suggest that it's not love, money or love of money, but ego that keeps people motivated and makes the world go around. Ego? Surely not - that sounds far less glamorous than either love or money! Maybe so, but I think you'll find on closer examination that it's true.

Many people consider the word ego as referring to something along the lines of arrogance, mainly because of the word 'egotistical' in the English language, but ego in itself isn't a bad thing - nor is it necessarily good - it's neutral. In plain English it means the way a person identifies themselves, which tends to be based on their surroundings.

An Irish person living in their home country with little tolerance for being teased is much more likely to be offended by anti-Irish jokes than a person who is not from Ireland. But can you guess who is even more likely to be offended by those same jokes? That's right - a person who is Irish-born but living outside of their home country. This tends to happen because we have an inbuilt need to form a sense of identity, of who we are. Without this sense of self it's very hard to function because we don't know what to do. Action comes after identity.

If we're female we tend to identify with that and care about women's issues. If we're from the North or South of the city we tend to form egotistical identifications based on that. Also the same with what country we're from, who our friends and family are and so on. I remember I once saw a play about a baby born to a Protestant family in the midst of the troubles in Northern Ireland who was mistakenly swapped in the hospital with the new-born child of a Catholic family.

The two were brought up in the opposite tradition and the mistake was only realised when the hospital contacted the parents by which time the children were several years of age. The bond that those children would have formed with their parents, and those communities, are likely to be just as strong as if they would have grown up with their genetic parents and their social surroundings. The clinging to values to form our identity can often be less to do with what beliefs are objectively the best, and much more to do with our fitting into our environment.

Ego development is a very important part of personal growth. In the early stages it's vital because if a child did not identify and form bonds with their family, and if the ego of a parent did not identify with their baby more so than any other child, the new-born baby would be extremely vulnerable. These bonds of ego keep us safe, but like any source of protection, they can be overdone leading to us being restricted.

The ancient Vedic culture of India had a very comprehensive understanding of the the psychology of motivation, and on their priority scale of what influences a person to act they would rate ego as being even more important than intelligence. The reason for this is that we will use our intelligence to support whatever we relate to as being correct. Have you ever come across a really nasty person who, unfortunately, was very intelligent? Yes there are many historic examples of this. Because the person's ego related to a certain cause, or belief, they saw this as being correct and their intelligence clicked into place and acted resourcefully to strategically help the ego's goals be achieved.

It's important that we take charge of our ego and inform it, rather than just relying on it to correctly decide what we should identify with. This is particularly the case when we face conflict. It's common for people (or more specifically their egos) to take things so personally whether it's a customer service dispute, a personal relationship or an international war that a person will fight to the death to win. This is because our ego is telling us that it is our very identity, our very self, that is on the line. If that were true then fighting hard would make sense, but if we put any argument into context more often that not we'll realise that although the other person may be wrong, our life is usually not at risk.

It is for this reason that mediators are often called in to moderate disputes. I've personally conducted thousands of dispute resolutions and can assure you that ego plays a major role. The reason a moderator is used is because if they are doing their job properly their ego will not be invested on either side, but instead on the higher goal of reaching agreement.

You, right now, can gain more clarity in your life - and much more self-control - by questioning how your ego identifies with the world around you and by consciously choosing what's important to you. Although ego makes the world go around, you can choose what your ego identifies with. What will make your world go around?

Visit http://www.JFLcom/ to gain clarity.

Virtual Insanity?

Today marks the launch of Grand Theft Auto 4. For many readers the latest in this series of video games will need no introduction – it’s got more than its fair share of publicity over the past few years with each volume stirring up a new wave of controversy. For those of you not sure what all the fuss is about – GTA 4 is simply the latest release in a series of video games themed on gangland life. You play a character set in the middle of a big city where you fight for survival and do whatever it takes – or whatever you feel like doing – to advance the game.

There’s no question that the games are very violent, and this latest release seem no exception. The stories are packed full of vicious motives and the graphics leave little to the imagination – but that’s not what I want to talk about. Some people believe games like this reinforce undesirable thought patterns and lead to real life violence – others believe that they give people a chance to let loose in an imaginary world and are harmless fun. Either way, that’s a discussion for a different day.

What I’m interested in is the game’s popularity. With over seventy-million copies of the previous volumes sold, and this latest release expected to send that number soaring, people clearly like what the game has to offer. So what does the game have to offer? Are people playing the game in their millions because of the violence or is there more to it than that?

If it is violence that sells then maybe GTA does it better – but that doesn’t seem likely. There are lots of other games and films out there that offer carnage in quantity and are nowhere near as popular as the Grand Theft Auto games. While I don’t discount the shock value of violence as still being attractive to some gamers, I feel the mass appeal of the games is down to something else, something that the game’s developer Rockstar are very good at.

Why do people play games at all? To fulfil a need that’s not being met – or at least not fully met – in their everyday life. In creating the games the developers mixed two very appealing concepts; a sequential easy to follow progressive storyline and a totally freeform environment. Traditionally games, and obviously films, just had the former – a progressive storyline. That meant you were led though the experience in a structured way and over the course of time you would progress through the plot. It seems that we all possess that psychological need for storyline, for progress in our life, and this seems to be the reason why video games and films are enjoyable for so many.

The second concept - that of a freeform environment - is something that’s a little newer on the scene. Up until recently it was technically very challenging to provide much freedom in a game and of course completely impossible in a film. This meant that this type of entertainment was run ‘on rails’. It could not be altered much by the person playing or watching. As processing power became more powerful and graphic design abilities increased the idea of freeform ‘sandboxes’ or virtual environments that can be freely explored became more popular. This freeform concept also seems to address a core human need; that of a sense of freedom to explore and adventure.

What we seek is freedom and progression – the freedom of no restriction and the progression of accomplishment. These are the same driving forces that have motivated all of the world’s greatest explorers and that have driven creative innovation and the minds of inventors around the world. It’s tempting for some people to think of explorers, inventors or innovators as ‘other people’ but that’s simply not true. No matter how much time you spend behind a desk, no matter how many forms you fill out or no matter how many mundane repetitive tasks you complete there is that sense of unconquerable freedom, adventure and a love of exploration within you.

Fortunately, we don’t have to necessarily climb mountains as a result of these drives. Although the spirit of adventure and the desire for progress are the same for all people, the way in which we act these out will vary greatly from person to person. While the mountain climber is scaling peaks, the inventor may be in his or her workshop refining a latest design or the graphic designer might be taking a bus journey and suddenly conceive a wonderful design concept.

We can choose the lens with which we see the world. In video games there are many challenges; in fact usually almost nothing but challenges – numerous others plotting to ‘get you’. The same in sports; everyone wants the ball and is willing to tackle you to get it. Why then do we play video games or participate in sports? Because we have that spirit of adventure, of exploration and we boldly face uncertainty seeing it instead as possibility.

There is absolutely no reason why we can’t do the same thing with life; see it as a fun and enjoyable challenge overflowing with possibility at every turn. When it goes our way then we can enjoy it, and when it doesn’t we can appreciate that that’s what makes it worth playing… or living.

Visit http://www.JFLcom/ to explore.